There is life after death… You just have to allow yourself to find it.

The other day I sat in my car for 15 minutes in the parking garage at work before heading inside to start my day. I had ‘Amnesia’ by 5 Seconds of Summer playing on my radio. I had my chair leaning back slightly and a few tears in my eyes.. it’s almost been a year since she left this Earth & became my second and most precious angel that looks over me.

There is life after death… You just have to allow yourself to find it.

Death is never easy, no matter what the circumstances & no matter how strong you are, it breaks you. Death intervenes with your plans, it turns your world upside down, it creates a hole in your life where that person once was and you have to keep living – that’s what hurts the most. They aren’t here but you still are.

“The hardest part wasn’t losing you, it was learning to live without you”

Missing you... love love quotes quotes quote miss you sad quotes:


You begin to think back to every experience, every moment that you could’ve visited but decided to go out with friends instead. You imagine that if you would’ve just set your alarm a little earlier and made yourself get out of bed you could’ve at least said goodbye.. as if that would’ve made it any easier. You tear apart each and every instance of what you could’ve done differently and wish that you could change it in that very moment as if it would make a difference. While doing that, you destroy yourself.. you only make it worse.. you can’t allow yourself to go there. That’s where I allowed myself to go.. and even find myself there sometimes, too. In a very dark place.


I havent been watching this show lately, but i have watched several seasons and knowing hes gone crushes my life... theres no show without Derek Shepard~:

Death is everywhere. It’s a way of life, there’s no way to escape it. I lost my great-grandmother at a very young age. I bawled my eyes out at her funeral even though I never got the chance to really know her. I found out at the age of 11, my biological father passed away when my mom was 6 months pregnant with me. I can’t really tell you how I even managed to process that. But this death, the death of my grandma, the sweet, vibrant old lady who I grew up with and couldn’t stand to be without. (I mean after all, I spent every summer, just me, not my sisters, in Hilton Head, South Carolina with my grandparents. All summer.) This death.. turned my world upside down.

You have a picture of what life is going to be like when you get married, start a family and what I pictured was destroyed when we lost my grandma. I think along with her not being around to laugh at/with, joke with, mess around with, it’s even harder to know that she won’t be around for important milestones like graduating college and starting a family.

But throughout everything, I’ve maintained a strong face and made sure that my grandfather is taken care of. They were married 50 years, together 55 years. That’s almost unheard of in today’s society since marriage and divorce are commonplace. They were from a generation where you didn’t just give up, you fought, you went through hardships together and you worked on your marriage every single day. Their life wasn’t perfect, I witnessed them fight and argue just like my parents would and they would say things that I couldn’t believe I heard but the next day, it was all back to normal. They were a unit, stronger together than apart and they loved each other so deeply. I knew it, they knew it, we all knew it. But you can’t erase the look on your grandfather’s face as he mourns the loss of his wife of 55 years. He cried at her funeral, after 25 years on this Earth I’ve never seen him cry until that very day. It was heartbreaking. He was lost, and sometimes he still seems to be.

"Keep putting one foot in front of the other", Persistence, Strength, Trials, Challenges, Hardship:

I’ve learned many things in almost a year that she’s been gone about the world, the people in it and mostly, myself. I’ve learned that yet again, I’ve proven that I’m a lot stronger than I thought I was, I even surprise myself sometimes but that doesn’t mean I still don’t have my moments where I get a tear in my eye all of a sudden or something random just throws my body into a state of pure emotion. I got married and I’m sharing every aspect of my life with someone and I think back to having mnay conversations with my grandma about marriage, life and kids. My husband and I have learned a lot about each other, our lives before one another and we have taught each other a few things too. My granddad is starting to open his eyes to the truth and see all the lies and deceit that has been upon him for years and for once, he feels safe and taken care of because of me and my sister. He’s starting to see that he can live his life but it doesn’t make it any easier, he misses grandma and hears/sees her from time to time but that’s okay too. The most important thing is that you can’t just stop living your life. You’re allowed to have your weak days, your emotional days, the days where you don’t really feel like doing much but lying around but you still must push forward. You live a life that you’re proud of you, I’ll live a life that I know my grandma would be proud of even though she already was sooo proud of me even when I feel like I didn’t deserve it. I’ll live every moment always knowing that she is beside me, watching over me and celebrating with me when the moment calls for it. I know when I’m taking shots and dancing that before I got to that moment and was getting ready to leave the house, she would always be the one to tell me to wait on her, she was getting dressed and coming with me and my friends. & she always knew how to have a good time.

Most of all, she was the light surrounding our lives. Her embrace, her smile, her laughter, her jokes, her sailors mouth, just her presence was always so welcoming. I’ve never met anyone like her and I know that I never will, she is truly one of a kind. The day we lost her, the light dimmed immensely but it’s about the time that I need to find it once again.

I love you grandma. Not a day goes by that we don’t think about you. Granddad will be taken care of, don’t you worry. ❤

Your life was a blessing, your memory a treasure. You are loved beyond words, and missed beyond measure.:


Nobody Says Thank You Anymore!

I have witnessed so many great and wonderful changes in my life time and hopefully it’s only about half over.  This one change I see way too many times each day is really becoming irritating and very frustrating to me.  It seems to have happened so gradually people have accepted it.

Saw a story on the news where this man wrote a thank you card to a random person everyday for a year and how much of a difference just saying thanks for the little things can mean... New Years Resolution??:


Am I completely off base?  Nuts?  Not listening?  Is this only happening to me?  And don’t get me wrong I am not trying to pin this on the government or any race or even the over privileged youth of today because for every bad example of a person, race, or class, I can find you two to fit that same description who are the total opposite to the better.  I even caught myself doing it one day and I felt so embarrassed and ashamed and glad my father wasn’t behind me or with me because he would have taken me behind the wood shed.  I think  I raised my girls and my grandkids the right way but who knows what happens out in the real world.

I would like to say it was just young kids, but it’s not.  They seem to be more polite which leads me to believe they are all Eddie Haskelling me (if you don’t know google it), but all my daughters’ friends are extremely polite as well.  I have noticed it more in people my age (48) or older than ever before.  The tunnel vision or more fast paced routine people have been thrust into today may be a root cause but it just plain sucks!

We could transform the world just by being considerate of others, being respectful of differences:


Holding a door open, a good waitress or bartender, a smiling face at the cash register, and my all time favorite…let into traffic person that doesn’t give you a wave or mouth a “Thank you” before speeding off up the highway.  That one really pisses me off.  If you were putting your life in danger I can understand. Or even if you had horrible service, your dog ran away, or you just lost your job does not give you the permission to be an ass.  It only takes a second and it is just as easy as smiling. Say thank you, have a nice day, or at least mouth the words.





*Addition by Samantha:

While looking to spice up this blog by adding some visuals, I came across this AMAZING photo which I think describes everything about this post. "...And you're rude... bad mannered and deranged... So stop pissing me off and browsing my boards when you have no intention of being a gentleman...   or I will block you!"..  J.L. Thomas  :D:

While I do think that he makes a point because it’s not just the younger generation who are extremely rude, disrespectful and heathens.. But, it is the older generation as well. My perfect example is my current workplace: a law firm. While it may not mean that much to you and it’s just the type of work but the amount of negativity and expectation that comes from the older folks is RIDICULOUS. They expect help, assistance and while that is all fine and dandy.. please DO NOT treat me like a piece of gum on the bottom of your shoe. Otherwise – find someone else to help your sorry ass. Excuse my language.  But really. Find someone else. You receive no thank-you from a majority of the people that you complete work for, you just hear bitch.bitch.bitch about everything they would have done differently.. Well thank you kind sir, do it yourself next time! And let me tell you, a thank-you goes a long way and for those who have uttered those words when I assist them and give me FULL instructions when they’re swamped and could use a hand, I happily assist them. We are ALL busy, we ALL have stuff going on at home, we have ALL been dragged through the dirt time and time again.. you aren’t alone in that. And another pet peeve is DEFINITELY the letting someone into traffic or running someone off the road because YOUR life matters and no one else’s does. My mother-in-law said that we live in a generation where it’s “all about me” and people don’t care about others. Screw you, it’s about me. Sadly, I think she makes a good point. It doesn’t stand that way for everyone and in some instances we may catch ourselves acting that way but at least don’t make a habit of it. We all have bad days – we all don’t know what we’re going through – so remember that. I know I would do well to remember it too.  -Samantha

Travel? Travel. Travel!

…is all that has been on my mind lately. Among other things of course, but this is something that plays on repeat in my mind because I just want to go EVERYWHERE.

Wanderlust - 16x20 inches on A2. Inspiring travel quote typography art poster print. on Etsy, $57.00:

Can someone please tell me there’s a job where I can make 6-figures, travel the world & be able to have my husband, puppy, bunny & future children, of course, with me at all times?! SIGN ME UP. I mean really though, who doesn’t love to travel!


Im in love with cities Ive never been to and people Ive never met | The most beautiful parts of life are still unfolding.:

Traveling has been a more present factor in my head lately cause I’m planning a few trips this year. Ohio (where I’m from) is for celebrating that one guy’s birthday, you know the one writing this blog with me, because you know, he’s kind of awesome. To see family. Cedar Point because DUH. I love rollercoasters, and you’re crazy if you don’t! To visit my grandma’s grave since very soon, it will be a year since we lost her, even though it feels just like yesterday. And most of all, to enjoy some time just relaxing & spending time with my grandfather since he’s making this trip with me. Then there is New Orleans – this we JUST decided on. I originally wanted to make a trip to Chicago, because I love it there. But mainly because my sister and I were talking about trips and where she wanted to go. I decided to plan a trip and surprise her BUT,  granddad just got TOO EXCITED and spoiled the whole surprise!

"Of all the books in the world, the best stories are found between the pages of a passport." #TravelQuote #travel #quote: I chose Chicago but while including granddad, he wanted to go somewhere different and now here we are! It is STILL on and I cannot wait to put all the pieces together into this trip. We’re looking at a seafood festival (we LOVE seafood), the possibility of finding the locations of where they shot a few episodes of ‘The Originals’ because we are HUGE TVPD fans. Not to mention all the different places we will be going to eat/drink and just be tourists together. Lastly – the end of the year – Puerto Rico – which I’m SO EXCITED for because I’ve never been there either & I’ll be going with family that knows the area so well so I’ll get to do all the touristy things & get to see the stuff that tourists may not know about. All the pictures I’ve looked at from my family visiting – I just wish the end of the year was here sooner!

We take photos as a return ticket to a moment otherwise gone. — @artifactuprsng:

While it may be quite the busy year for me and traveling – I have the best people to travel with. However, what my husband and I have noticed is that some company’s PTO policies are completely outrageous. Where I accumulate sick-time while I’m working each day and receive personal days depending on where the holidays fall- I also receive 2 weeks of vacation for the year. However, he only has PTO and that accumulates as he works, rewarding him nothing up front for the year. So – that’s been interesting to say the least and unfortunately, traveling will be done the first part of the year without him, I’m ecstatic for the end of the year where we can all join together and travel to Puerto Rico as one big crazy family!

My one goal for the 2017 and 2018 year is that I get to travel outside of the country. I have a Passport, it’s never been used & I have NEVER been out of the country! I want to go so many places and I know a lot of people who have traveled outside of the country and I love when they come back and I get to see all the pictures, souvenirs and just hear about their travels.

So, anyone else have the travel bug recently? What about those Groupon getaways?


What Was I Thinking? WTF?

I’ve got sunshine on a cloudy day… I thank God every day I am Blessed with another glorious day on this planet, It’s a GREAT DAY to be ALIVE!  Positivity!  Thankfulness!  Gratefulness! Carpe Diem!  Life is GOOD!

Exactly... Cut them lose for your own sake. This is not mean or selfish. This is a choice based on self-respect.:

It wasn’t always that way.  For years I somehow stayed positive and upbeat while being involved with an extremely toxic person in an even more toxic relationship.  Controlling, manipulative, selfish!  As I look back, I cannot fathom how I was so stupid not to see how one person could suck so much life and happiness out of those around them.  How could one person thrive so much on making other people miserable, or feel badly about themselves just to make themselves feel better and superior?  Then in the next breath say “I love you.”  I am a pretty strong man, fairly intelligent, helpful, giving, loving, and caring, so how could I allow one person to gain so much control over my entire life and do everything in their power to make me feel like a low life scumbag?  I have great kids, we had a nice house, we drove nice cars, but it was never enough to make a difference.  Hearing you were a piece of shit and not a good provider, and Don’t, Don’t, DON’T, can’t, Can’t, CAN’T can wear down even the strongest, most stable person over time.

Yup, Just like Jason and Jolene. Toxic people to the core. They lie, cheat, back stab everyone they call thier friend and or family, they both use everyone for money, $2,500 to be exact, that they refuse to pay back at all. Always saying they will but never do, they only ask "friends" over cause they have cars. Its always about what they can get from someone and never about love. So we are letting go and getting rid of these toxic people for good!!! Small claims here we come:

The good thing is, somehow we all survived and thrived, but how much better could we all have done had we not been involved with that toxic person?  Why didn’t I see it sooner?  Why didn’t I listen to others?  My parents, my brother and sister, and a few friends I had all saw it, but why couldn’t I?  How was I so blind to not get my kids out of that toxic environment sooner?  WTF was I doing?  WTF was I thinking?

Take This Life And Shove IT!!!

Several events happened at the same time one month that woke me up.  I finally said enough is enough!   I prayed!  I packed up and moved out.  I prayed.  I filed for divorce!  I prayed.  My Grandmother (my guardian angel) passed away.  I prayed.  I met Nancy.  I prayed.  I changed jobs.  I prayed.  I finally listened to good people and began to remove the toxicity from my life.  I prayed.  I thanked God and my parents for waking me up.  I prayed.  I wish I could tell you everything immediately got better, but Nancy and I had both been through so much with our exes, we did not know how to act for quite some.  True to form, my ex did everything she could to try to make our lives miserable.  The divorce was ugly, and took several years just because that toxic individual did everything she could to try to maintain some kind of control.  It cost a lot of money too.  Money we did not have.  We sure ate a lot of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and I’m not real fond of tuna salad any longer.  We prayed. We fought for custody which my attorney warned me was like throwing money down the well in Florida, but we had to do everything we could to get the girls out of that toxic environment.  We lost! We prayed.  Child support and alimony started. More tuna, more PB&Js, but with that time came more love, more understanding.  Nancy and I both grew as people, as a couple, as parents, and as people of faith.  We prayed and gave thanks.

Blue Zone: Nasty world of the big wide web:

WE MADE IT!  It has been almost ten years since Nancy and I left our toxic relationships together.  We love, we show compassion, we cried together, we pray, but through everything we survived, we thrived, and for some strange reason, I WOULD NOT CHANGE ANY ONE OF THOSE STRUGGLES!  We love life.  We made It!  We have six beautiful daughters, two absolutely gorgeous grandchildren, and a much better understanding of how to stay the Hell away from toxic assholes!  If you know somebody in a toxic relationship…HELP THEM GET OUT! RUN! Or You will have to get rid of them to avoid that toxicity!!



I can train my mind just like in 2012 Navaratri time when You gave me direction. Everything got derailed the past year and I am sure You will show me the light again.: